Language + Mood + Attitude = Communication.
Communication begins long before we open our mouth. Verbal communication is but skin-deep. Communication goes deeper still than first impressions we make with our dresses and body language, for these are manifestations of a far deeper communication. Underneath them lies layers of the bulk of the iceberg of what we communicate unto others. It is the larger, latent layers that has the bigger say in the outcome of our communication no matter how well we may craft our language and how considerate we might sound. Plenty are the instances when we threw up our hands in air in frustration because despite our best conscious efforts to communicate well, the conversations went not so well. It becomes imperative that we attain a clear understanding of these latent layers of our communication, their disparities with our conscious, verbal language, and find ways to bring all layers of communication into one and always get the outcome we truly desire of our interaction with the world.
A layer of communication begins in the morning, when we return to conscious from sleep. Being conscious means being in communication. The communication is with ourselves and our immediate environment. We have in our minds ideals of everything. We communicate with these ideals in everything we do as we carry ourselves through the day. It is shown in little things as in whether we make our bed when we get up, in how well we prepare for the day in our appearance. The degree of our faithfulness to these ideals, to what we believe is right, makes up our mood. Our communication later on the day with fellow beings becomes an extension of this conversation with ourselves and our immediate environment. We bring the whole of that conversation into every interaction with others as it is reflected in how at one we are with our own selves. The people responds to that in a way that is not conscious to them.
The other layer of communication began upon our birth. This is the layer within which all other layers of communication take place. It is the sense of one’s own importance, also called attitude. It develops over the years of our growth. Sense of importance can be of healthy and unhealthy types. The healthy sense of self importance is the belief that one is as important as every other person. The unhealthy one is the feeling that one is less or more important than others. These are called complexes. The former is inferiority complex and the latter superiority complex. There are various factors in our brought up that amounts to the development of these types of sense of self-importance in us. They are largely unconscious to us. We carry this with us everywhere we go. When we come into conversation with others, although we try to put it away from having a bearing in our conversation, it is like a smell – one cannot hide it. Thus Stephen Covey says, “In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do”.
Complexes account for all the unsuccessful communication and conflict not just between individuals, but also groups and nations. Every conflict from children fighting over a bar of candy in the playground to the Great Wars has the same cause: complexes coming in the way of communication.
Hence, every time we come into communication with others, we bring our day and our life into the communication. Our day is the mood we accrue as we go through the day based on the degree of how true we have been to ourselves in the little things we do every day. Our life is our attitude that is built in us. Therefore, Language (both verbal and non-verbal)+mood+attitude=Communication. We have to align all these three layers of communication to have harmony in our communication and social life.
The way to bring the latent layers of our communication in alignment with our conscious, verbal communication is this. First, know that the day’s communication begins in the morning. Begin the communication right when you open your eyes in the morning. The way to do that is to not rush through the day, but to be in the moment, listen to yourself and observe your ideals in everything you do. Remember, we carry the day with us as we go along in form of mood. Hence, it becomes important that we begin the day right, with positive feelings, and do all our chores from those feelings. The alignment of attitude is a long-term process, and one that takes care of itself if we maintain good mood over a long period of time. Attitude is, after all, a habitual mood.
Starting a healthy conversation every morning and maintaining it everyday is no easy feat. The larger, overlying attitude tends to crush our mood; it becomes difficult to entertain and harbor mood when our predominant attitude is negative; that whatever positive we may manage to have becomes evanescent. The only way to beat this is in being the moment, embracing it. The moment is what can protect us from our life time of harmful attitude. We need to exert conscious effort to calm ourselves down and be truthful to our conscience as we go through the day day in day out until we rewrite a new, pleasant, harmonious attitude. Then, we exude harmony in our conversation and our being.
